Clair@DyingWell_UK
“So here’s a turn up: something that’s floored me. I don’t talk much about my kids’ reactions because that’s their story, not mine. But my son has volunteered this and wanted me to share it with you”.
Clair’s son has given his permission to reprint his article here.
What my Son (16) said
Since mum’s original diagnosis, I have found that honesty and transparency have been the two most important things.
They have helped us to make the difficult decisions less difficult and make the ones that were best, not just for mum but for the family as a whole. Because ultimately there isn’t any point in sugar-coating death. Because ultimately no matter how much better it might make you feel at the time it won’t help you in the long run.
We have been clear from the outset that most probably mum’s cancer was probably going to be the thing that killed her.
However, we’ve managed to keep it so we didn’t have to put our lives on hold. You can’t do that. You can’t start living like the person is already dead. A Terminal diagnosis doesn’t mean you have to start living as if they’re already dead. It means you have to start living more intentionally, taking advantage of every good day. And every break in treatment.
But not worrying too much about the bad days either.
I am so glad that we have managed to be so honest about everything that has happened and is happening. It is so important to be honest within your family, because if you can’t be honest with them about where you are at with your treatment and what your “next step” might be, then with who can you be? I cannot imagine how difficult it would’ve been for mum or for us if we hadn’t been honest with the whole family.
Because in the end Dying Well isn’t just about the individual it is about everyone around them as well.
This is why when people ask me how I am doing I can say “You know what I’m doing okay” because I know where we are with death.
And in preparing for death, talking about death and what life may be after death. We remove as much as possible the uncertainties. We remove the fear.
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